1. Some readers will recall the fairy story of Rumpelstiltskin.

2. Now, if our names were Rumpelstiltskin and some dizzy miller's daughter had just told the whole damn room, we'd be pissed too, but we don't think we'd get dismemberment-angry.

3. In the original tale, Rumpelstiltskin spins straw into gold for a young girl who faces death unless she is able to perform the feat.

4. Rumpelstiltskin makes sure that earlier day was the date of Shrek's birth.

5. The fellow who can fix that is Rumpelstiltskin (Walt Dohrn), a lawyerly wizard with a contract and a long-held grudge against the ogre.

6. Not to mention, in the really early versions of the tale, Rumpelstiltskin launches himself at the girl in a rage and gets stuck ... um ... in her lady parts.

7. Also, in a depressingly large number of versions, the child is killed anyway, either by Rumpelstiltskin himself, or the guards, or someone.

8. She overhears him singing his name by a fire and so she guesses it correctly. Rumpelstiltskin, furious, runs away, never to be seen again.

9. She tries everything but comes up short, until a passing woodsman overhears the gnome bragging about how he's so clever no one will guess his name is Rumpelstiltskin.http://

10. The cast boasts some fine actors, led by the always-welcome Robert Carlyle as Rumpelstiltskin.

11. He immediately tells the queen, who springs it on Rumpelstiltskin, who's so pissed off he throws a tantrum and runs away, presumably to ply his poorly thought-out scam in another town.

12. Some highlights of the film involve Shrek being gross, Fiona being tough, Donkey talking endlessly, Puss being fat, and Rumpelstiltskin trying to suck people into his contracts.

13. To reclaim his inner ogre, Shrek signs a contract with Rumpelstiltskin that makes him an Ogre for a Day.